My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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