You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
false alarm, still single
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
