Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
