are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
