it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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