Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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