did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
