i may or may not be watching the land before time
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
