I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
