Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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