She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
