And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
