would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
