Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
