Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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