my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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