So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Randomize
