And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
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