you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
