mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
