Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
