so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
