I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize