Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
There was a lot of him and a little penis
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
