to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
