Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Randomize
