I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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