I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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