if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize