You don't have asthma, your pregnant
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
