she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
