god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
