I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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