you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
