She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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