sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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