her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
