STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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