Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
