i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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