I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize