She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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