she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
