why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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