It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
