I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
