he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
