The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Holy shit dude........stairs
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
