Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
this just has baby written all over it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
