Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Come share oat with me in your robe
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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