I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
