I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
