Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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