You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize