And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
