If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Randomize
