hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
