Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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