so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
