Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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