Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
