member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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