Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
