The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
