Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm like, not good at living.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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