I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
